Brothers Campfire Thoughts on Choosing Family

Hello, Benjamin from Brother’s Campfire here.

If you read this post, you may get triggered. I will accept comments, but I will also respond to them in kind, so be kind.

Lets get started.

When you are born, you have a mother, a father (or donor) and all kinds of relatives. Some of them are neat and some of them not so much.

I have a relative that put me in a few tough spots that were unnecessary and in part, quite violating when I look back.

When I was a teenager, I thought of ways to get him back and hoped he would come to Colorado for a visit so I could repay him.

Vengeance was unnecessary. I haven’t seen him since I was a smaller child and life has treated him in such a manner that I feel bad for him.

That isn’t always the case. Some folks are so despicable that I wouldn’t waste new rope on their neck and yet, everything in life seems pristine and all laid out for them.

God will sort it all out. Have faith in that. Paybacks belong to God.

For those of you that have had abuse, forgive and move on.

“Move on” can include involving a legal system. You don’t have to be a victim.

I have moved on from a good number of toxic relationships, some of them connected by genetics, but they are no longer family to me. I cut them off and have never been happier.

One of my good friends (we will call him Dustin) growing up was in the foster system and adopted by some folks that weren’t the best, but magnitudes better that the home he was taken from.

Another second family took him in and he did well considering the limited tools provided in upbringing.

He married and has amazing children that have a lot less baggage that he did growing up.

Dustin fumbled a little in something inherently important to him; his genetic family. He wanted to be in touch with them again.

The experience set him back in development and he dabbled in alcohol, recreational drugs, and gambling. This, and other abuses were something his family had gotten into pretty deeply, a reason for permanent removal from his biological family.

Dustin lost his marriage but rebounded fairly well over the process of time. His children don’t seem too impacted and they are magnitudes better than him at a similar age bracket.

I suppose all is well that ends well, but a few sour notes and another broken home could have been avoided.

With all this said, I can be black and white as Emerson Berengar and have opted to choose my family.

Some folks say you are stuck with the family you have, and genetically, they are correct.

I adopt folks.

Ashley T. For example is not biologically related at all. She is my little sister and she has all the rights and privileges as one. A notable sister she has become.

All through December, Ashley has been there for my Beloved to include 12 hour days as a visitor in the hospital. She has lavished my children with an inordinate amount of resources in love, time and cash.

Ashley T is as sister as they come and I love her with all my heart.

Life didn’t start easy for Ashley as evidenced by her new blog. I think she knows a little more about this topic than me.

Check it out and subscribe. She is a beautiful soul!

Not many children even adults get the chance or opportunity To meet or know their dad. As a child even teenager, So many are raised by men that aren’t their blood and never knowing who their Biological father is. In some cases it affects the child in other cases it never comes to cross their […]

Few Memories of my biological father

Author: Benjamin

Benjamin Thiel is a community leader, urban farmer, and author of The Ongoing Tale at Brothers Campfire. He might know a guy...

30 thoughts on “Brothers Campfire Thoughts on Choosing Family

  1. TheEmptyNestHomesteader says:

    I love this and can relate in many ways. This life is too short to be tethered to unkind people and with seven billion of us and counting, there’s always going to be better “family” for us if we choose to go looking.

    1. Benjamin says:

      Indeed! Sometimes tough calls have to be made.

      I have a simple word.



      the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.

      I cut out all relationships with contempt involved as soon as I can. Haven’t felt better since I started doing that.

  2. herbthiel says:

    Ashley T was there for Grandma Pike a lot, too. She’s good people. I wonder how she got started blogging, lol?

    1. Benjamin says:

      Ashley is my little sister. She took excellent care of Grandma Pike!

      On blogging:
      Was it you? We have never spoken of it that I recall.

  3. tamburelli’sThankfulnessandlove says:

    Lol first of all , thank you and it was such an honor to help take care of sister Pike. I loved and miss her dearly. ❤️
    As the blogging, I enjoy writing… not the greatest but I try . One night just sitting here the thought came across my mind and got inspired ; after reading big brother Ben’s blog, to give it a try. Lol

  4. kagould17 says:

    Well said Benjamin. There are so many toxic relatives and parents around that do not deserve to procreate and yet, they created us and gave us a chance to learn from their example and move on to not be like them. My wife’s father is a narcissistic sociopath, who at 90 is still as evil and cunning as he was when I met him 46 years ago. I see his kids still struggling to get any sign of love or affection from this lousy S.O.B. and I see his behaviour unchanged. We all just want the story to be over. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family. Life is to short to associate with toxic people. Stay well Allan

    1. Benjamin says:

      Thanks for sharing this Allen. I believe it adds to my point.

  5. cheriewhite says:

    Such a beautiful and heart touching post, Ben. It can hurt especially bad when toxic people in our lives happen to be family who are supposed to love us. But I think you’re right in that we choose whether to accept them as family or not. And Ashley’s story really melted my heart. I’m so sorry for the loss of her biological father and the way things turned out for him and for her. Hopefully her dad is at peace and whatever was torturing him on Earth no longer has any hold on him. And God bless Ashley. And God bless you for telling us about her blog. I just followed her.

    1. Benjamin says:

      Thank you Cherie! I am touched by your response. 😢Ashley is the salt of the earth and I am proud to be her brother! 🤠🔥

  6. Jaskiers says:

    Very important article.
    I personnaly find it difficult to realize that a family member is toxic. It’s a difficult things to admit that one of your relative is… problematic… Love get in the way…
    Anyway, thanks for this article.

    1. Benjamin says:

      It is difficult to admit. Once you see it, there is no turning back for me. I want to live abuse free!

  7. Thattamma C.G Menon says:

    Your article I read , so much truth of your mind. !! You only want to decide
    Relatives want in your life or no 👌🙏❤️ your life relatives or friends will
    Create problem means leave them to find peace and keep your self respect 👌🙏
    You like your sister , so nice 😀👌 keep relation between you and she 🌷🙏❤️
    This is my comment and happy weekend 🙏🌷

  8. leendadll says:

    I left my biological fam 30+ yrs ago. No glaring abuses… we simply didn’t meld. I never felt part of them. For people who “need” a reason, I suggest the fact that I spent my first 2wks, typically the bonding period, in an incubator. The breakup happened by fluke and I realized a HUGE weight had been lifted from me. I’ve never regretted it. I’ve had several families by choice since then. Currently alone (family of cats I guess) and okay with that too.

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