There was a young lady in our barrio named Carlota Yáñez and she was impeccably attractive.
I was rather shy, but I called over and her mom said I could walk over for chicharrones de pollo.
They lived a little further out in the country than us, but walking wasn’t a big deal, especially for the opportunity to meet Carlota and her family.
When I got there, Carlota wasn’t. Grandpa had taken her shopping at the dollar store. It was rather disappointing and Carlota’s mom noticed.
“Leviticus, ¡estás enamorado!” “Carlota will be here after a while. Why don’t you have a little chocolate pie?”
Well, I said thank you, and after admiring it for a while, I ate it slowly, savoring every bite.
Just then Senor Yáñez, Carlota’s father, walked in the front door with a garden hose. His black piercing eyes stared into my soul.
I didn’t understand anything he was saying, but it was remarkably unpleasant sounding. He told his wife something like this.
“Atrapé al tonto que intentó secuestrar a Carlota. ¡Pon algo de Juana Marta! No necesito que este chico blanco lo oiga.”
Dutifully, she replied,
“si mi marido” and Senor Yáñez went to the garage with the water hose.
With haste, she connected her phone to Bluetooth and I discovered there were a lot of speakers in the house;it was LOUD!
Carlota never did show up, so I listened to Juan Martha on repeat and ate chicharrones de pollo with Mom. It was my first experience and it wasn’t too bad if I were to rate it.
I thought I heard screaming and Carlota’s mom noticed. She took me by the hand and said
“columpio del porche delantero hijo”
While I had no clue what that meant, we sat on the back porch swing for a while and she said Carlota would be there soon.
It was boring, it was getting late and I wanted to go home. My mind was restless, so I resorted to watching a trickle of water come from the garage from a drainage pipe. It trickled into a little wet spot in the yard that was greener than everything else.
The music was so loud I felt sick. I said as much and said I would be back.
Now, when I said I would be back, I meant it.
I’ve never heard the angels singing, and I might have heard the devil play a fiddle, but Carlota was just as pretty.
But now came the hard part; It was only right that I introduced myself to Senor Yáñez.
In fairness, Carlota’s mom tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t have it. On my way out, I lifted that garage door.
Over the music I shouted,
“Señor Yáñez!”
He was startled. Behind him was an engine hoist with a man hanging from it, just-a swanging.
Author: Benjamin
Benjamin Thiel is a community leader, urban farmer, and author of The Ongoing Tale at Brothers Campfire. He might know a guy...
Literally laughed out loud at this one.